Manners. Where have they gone?

I have pet hates as we all do. I have some pet hates that I live with - noisy eaters, door-loiterers, some I make sarky comments under my breath about - people who insist on standing on the opposite side of the crossing from where they want to walk, people who linger in tram doors while you're trying to get on and off, and ones that absolutely drive me wild. I feel my blood boil, the rage starting move through my body and my neck going red. Not RSVPing at all, on time, or changing it last minute is that.

I think there is a basic lack of manners nowadays and time and again when I have organised dinners, out or at home, parties, get-togethers, or anything simple, there is always someone who thinks they don't have to RSVP, does so exceptionally late, or changes plans at the last minute. Baring family or personal emergencies which happen to everyone, when you have been invited to a dinner, a booking has been made and confirmed and then you decide last minute - (read - ON THE DAY OF) that you will only be coming for drinks, you are being rude.

When you have been invited to a dinner at my house, and you don't RSVP until the day before, if at all that is being rude. I will stop inviting you. I actually don't think there is any excuse for not getting back to someone when you have been invited around to their house - REGARDLESS of how casual a meal it is supposed to be. The basics of this situation is that the host needs to know who's coming so that they can cater and organise seating for everyone.

I have said time and again that I will not be put in a position like this, that this rage is unhealthy, and time and again it happens. So now, the 3-strikes you're out rule applies. This may mean much smaller or fewer dinner parties, but as is evident form the last 2 weekends, they are still fun and engaging. The last 2 Saturdays we've had people over for dinner. We asked they answered straight away. They arrived on time, we drank and ate. We conversed and we will do it again. I even think we'll get a returned invitation. That is really what it is about.

And that leads me to the second part of this rant. The promises of invitations. If I hear one more time - "we MUST have you around next time, we really should do this again at our place, we've just moved you'll have to come visit and see our new place" I'm going to puke. The worst are the serial offenders, because don't get me wrong, there are people who say this and follow through. Fantastic. Is it because they feel intimidated cooking for a chef? Don't. He's the easiest to please. He hasn't had to cook it. The general populace, over-fed on cooking shows, food reviews, online reviewing and celebrity chefs, are a lot harder to please. When you're eating out everyone's an expert. Everyone has an opinion. Like in sports commentary.

Is it the youth of today? New Zealand & Australia or does it happen everywhere. Were you not taught basic etiquette growing up?

Here's some helpful hints:

• RSVP to an invitation. RSVP is respondez s'il vous plait. It is French that means please respond/answer. It doesn't mean you have to say "Yes". I'm trying to figure out if people are just rude or they don't understand. An RSVP can be negative. It is to give the host numbers for catering, bookings, availability, etc. With Facebook events, email invitations and text messages there is no excuse. If need be get a calender or a diary and put it in. We all have busy lives and sometimes need to plan in advance. Life cannot always be spontaneous. Sometimes it is and that's great, but even that doesn't always work. We've had some picture perfect nights and we've had a spontaneous BBQ. Everyone's been busy so no one can make it. They must have had plans. I will actually plan certain days that can be open to spontaneity. Yes that sounds ridiculous but it gives the opportunity to relax and take it as it comes. We will just say no to invitations on that day unless we can make it.
• If there is a reason you need to change your RSVP let the host know as soon as you do. Last minute when it can be avoided should be. It is frustrating and irritating.
• Let the host know if you'll be late. Especially for a dinner. A drinks party, or just a party is not an issue here as people will come and go as they please.
• Bring something for the host - flowers/bottle of wine/chocolates. This my mother taught me. And if you don't know the hosts very well this goes a long way in the politeness stakes.
• Thank the host at the end of the evening, but most importantly the next day. A simple text message or email today is all you need. Thanks for having me/us, it was lovely! It's not hard, but so appreciated.
• If you've offered to reciprocate the invitation, DO. And do it within the next month. If schedules don't permit do it as soon as possible. If you've gone out for dinner in your area, go to theirs then meet in the middle after. I will make a commute for an invitation. I will make a commute for dinner, but not every time.
• Don't expect the same person to always host the parties. They will get sick of being taken advantage of if there is no reciprocation.

I can feel my blood pressure returning to normal and the red rage is fading. Thanks for reading!

xx